just a few changes in my life that may be interesting
Ive switched from straits to rolling
Its cheaper but more time consuming
Im stone cold broke
Really new for me but at the same time stops me spending
money on shit food
Ive got 9 weeks left of my final year at University
Terrifying but equally great
Ive gained alot of weight (10lbs approx)
I physically repulse myself right now but more on that later
I have a boyfriend now
Thats right, ive committed and its to scary. Actually its fucking
scary. I mean, i'm happy, i think. I really like him, he's so
sweet to me and I know he really cares about me alot.
He's bi which of course gives me a whole 2nd gender to be
paranoid about lol but i know he would never ever hurt with
me which is luvly. His name is Peri and he's at my Uni.
We're both going to stay living in the City after Uni too so this
could actually turn out to be a long term thing if i dont royally
screw it up as per usual.
Anyway on to the important stuff. Yes, ive gained weight
again.
When i went home for Christmas i was 147. I havn't weighed
myself this week but i can feel the fat. I can feel the gain, i can
feel the weight. Like rocks in my stomach, bogging me down.
Ive been missing days at the gym and the guilt is killing me.
I'm starting to feel like im getting more and more unattractive
and at some point Peri is gunna stop being attracted to me
and regret this whole thing. See and now my paranoia
is crushing me again.
Crushing me
so i'm back.
I thought i could do this by myself
I cant
I need help. I need support.
Please
Im begging
Jessica xoxo
1 comment:
ah, hello, beautiful!
9 weeks to freedom. i'm saying freeing! try to always look at the optimistic bit! a new day, a new adventure, a new life!
oh, baby. you can lose weight. it doesn't matter how much of it you've gained.
Peri is an adorable name. 0__0 i am so using that in my book!
and i hope he continues to treat you well or...*pulls out knife, sharpens*
sometimes, we think that we've gained more. don't weigh yourself. i think i've gained back to 155-156, but i'm like: that's not possible. because my measurements are from 152-154. if you want, try measuring. it's easier to track and especially if you don't want to stare at your weight right now. i've had a shit week, so i'm thinking of restricting a week and then weighing myself. :)
always be here, lovely.
we will support you.
and be there. <3
-Sam Lupin
PS. we love you, you bitch. <3
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