antidisestablishmentarianism

yes thats a word lol
it means
opposition to the belief that there should not be
an official relationship between a country's
government and its national church
ie: belief in the relationship between the leaders of the free world
and an uncontested spirit leader.
Do you see my point?


I broke the 150's Angels
149.4 on Friday
Thats my lowest weight ever
Theres nothing like it you know
that feeling when you see the number
of course you know
this week will go well, I can feel it
I broke this weekend, Let it slip
Made millions of little mistakes

Argued with A about my old blog
She thinks it means i dont trust her
that it means she not my best friend
because i have this one huge secret
that i cant tell her, or anyone.

Its not like that. I cant have her knowing
the paranoia would drive me insane
Always watching me
Noticing the changes
A :Have you eaten today?
J: not today, i cant today, maybe tomorrow.
J: Of course
A (inside voice): Is she lying? i can never tell
J: Jacket Potato with Tuna
A: Really? Cool, When was that
J: Um, like 4ish?
A: Its 9.
J (inside voice): stop it.
J: so?
A: Wants some chips?
J: no im good thanks *smiles*
A (inside voice): I bet your not, I know your starving.


T and i talked on Friday night
He said he doesn't understand
He doesnt understand how im okay with it
Our relationship, our situation
He was saying how much of a dick he is
Like i didnt already know

T: So whats the deal with us? I dont want a Girlfriend but im not seeing anyone else.
J: so what were exclusive fuck buddies?
T: *laughs* Im a dick, im not gunna pretend not to be
J: Im counting on it *smiles*
J: (inside voice) maybe thats what it is. I couldnt handle a boyfriend right now. I dont have to tell him anything if he's not, maybe he cares, maybe he wants to ask but i dont have to answer.
T: I like the way ive got it right now. Im shallow. Really shallow. I dont want anyone else to worry about
J: You dont have to worry about me
T: that wasnt what i meant. how are you not getting mad? any other girl would be going batshit crazy at me right now
J: whats your point? ive never been that good at yelling
T: No point, just thought i'd tell you im a complete prick
J: well i knew that already, i have fairly low expectations *laughs*
T: thanks. I dont treat girls well, im selfish that way
J: yeah i know, ive been on the receiving end, i was pissed.
T: yeah you had every right to be babe. Your a nice girl i dont want to hurt you. Wot you doing messing around with a guy like me?
J: *shruggs*... were not gunna discuss this
T: Why not? Cmon...
J: Do i need a reason?
T: You love me huh?
J: dont flatter yourself dude
T: you like me alot then?
J: (inside voice) your not even that good in bed
J: i said dont flatter yourself *laughs*
They kiss and she giggles at his smile.
She wants to stay
just for someone to be close to
but she knows she cant
she wont give a hint of feelings for him
she wont be the first one to break this
                                                          J exits stage right.


I thought about it afterwards you know
Ive been thinking about it ever since
Im scared of getting hurt, no commitment lessens the pain
Im scared of being open, no obligations means no emotions
Im scared of being alone, no need to stay just someone to hold me at night
Thats all there is to it angels.
If people always treat you like that's all your worth
eventually you come to believe it too...

Charl.
I got a couple of comments and lots of stares.
Im not sure if i would have preferred if no one noticed lol
much love xxx

Starving Artist
Yeah i thought about it when i left school
Im not a massive fan of commercial airliners tho
I wanted to join the RAF to travel and be a pilot
We'll see how that plan pans out huh? :)
Much love xxx

S.
Yeah by Grace Bowman, its incredible and slightly scary.
Im into the bit about where she turns it around and ive stopped reading
I didnt really want to go further than that yet.
Im just reading the first few chapters over and over.
Much love xxx

Heather
Im glad you feel it to
Lying shouldnt make me happy i know
but its an achievement for me
It makes me stronger
Shows me how wilful i can be
Takes me one step closer.
Much love xxx

Mich.
Hell yeah they do. Im not cut out for them at all
I love bar work and labour work
something active. something interactive.
You hear about these people who work their way from country to country
I could do that, i could totally do that.
Not alot keeping me here
Much love xxx

Hannah
Deal! lol.
Brazil first and then on to Africa :)
Travel Bloggers :D
Much love xxx

Because i love who i can become
aw thank you huni!
I love that song, its amazing.
My driving has always been off the rails tbh
Im just a little gas happy :)
Im going to my first class next week
I need it to be tough, if its not i dont feel like ive done enough lol
much love xxx

Wow this is a long post.
I'll see you soon Angels
and thank you for sticking with me
xoxo