I got to a point last night Angels
I went for a drive
I drove and drove for nearly 2 hours
I was going to walk but it was dark
Im scared of the dark
Im scared of alot of things really
Im really scared of losing control.
Ive been out of control these last few months
you angels are really the only thing keeping me sane
I cant seem to control myself
Thats what you get when you let your heart win
if anything i should be the easiest thing for me to control.
My thoughts maybe not but my actions, my words.
I call all these things mine but they never really feel that way
in facet most of the time they are the complete opposite
someone else's words and movements
projected carefully through me.
Its time for a new plan Angels
New month
new plan
new me
Starting with the rules:
No Meat
No Dairy
No Carbohydrates
No Alcohol
and most importantly...
No T
No distractions
No R
No falling in love
Diet RedBull - 10cals
Diet Coke - 10cals
Ice Pops - 20cals
Daily Limit - 100cals
The workouts:Monday
Gym for 1 Hour - Burn 600cals
Tuesday
Gym for 1 Hour - Burn 600cals
Wednesday
Walk in the Morning and Circuits in the Eve - Burn 1000cals
Thursday
Gym for 1 Hour - Burn 600cals
Friday
Walk in the Morning and Wash Car in eve - Burn 650cals
Saturday
Aerobics in the Morning and Running - Burn 500cals
Sunday
Aerobics in the Morning and Running - Burn 500cals
The Goals:
7th August - 145
14th August - 140
140lbs - Tattoo
21st August - 138
28th August - 134
4th September - 130
130lbs - Ear Piercing
11th September - 126
18th Sepetember - 122
120lbs - New Skinny Jeans
25th Spetember - 118
2nd October - 114
110lbs - 2nd Tattoo
This may look kinda drastic angels but i'll be okay
I know where my willpower went
It got lost in the abyss
but ive found it now
People always say that this (what ever this is really)
makes you lose things... Your family, your friends, your spark.
I wont let that happen.
I love my family
they're all that keeps me going
My Mother is wise and kind
My Father is Strong and so Smart
I'll do this for them, with them.
I dont need to shut them out
I dont have to tell them either
I know they'll be there
To the ends of the earth for me
I have faith in it, in them
and i will love them even with the scars.
My friends are my label
They are who make me me
Make me the strong one.
Make me the one who doesn't fail
Ever, never ever.
Without them i wouldn't know myself.
Ill comment reply soon angels
Thank you for hearing me.
Much love.
xoxo
4 comments:
Please be safe.
100 calories a day is very low. I would advise against less than 500, but whatever you do please keep your safety in mind. I don't want you to pass out or get hospitalized.
Your plan sounds exhausting, don't push yourself too hard. I'd also try to think of every day as a fresh start because you don't want one little slip up, which can easily happen if your limit is 100cal, to send u into depressing failure binge mode.
Thanks for the advice in your comment, I realize I will have to discuss it with him eventually, I just really don't want to fuck everything up so I can't be friends with him or his roommate who is great and I love. Maybe I just dont want to give up the designer drug fuelled dance parties either...
Thank you for commenting on my blog, you're beautiful.
I wish I had a plan.
All I know, is what I am; and I hardly know that any more.
I need a plan.
That, or to embrace having nothing at all.
I don't know.
Much love, dear.
x
Post a Comment