Went on my lunch break
Smoked
My parents still don't know
dropped one, unsmoked, under the decking
swore to loudly FUCK
Read some more of 'Thin'
its getting scarily familiar now
grabbed a packet of crisps and emptied it into the bin
walked in to talk to my mum with the packet in my hand
I'm a liar, a brilliant little liar
Sometimes i get so weird
i even freak myself out
i laugh myself to sleep
its my lullaby
sometimes i drive too fast
just to feel the danger
i want to scream
it makes me feel alive
is it enough to love
is it enough to breathe
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
i want to travel
I hate office jobs
I want to get on a plane
and go somewhere i don't know
somewhere beautiful
work there for a while
a bar job, im good at those
fresh faces, drunken conversations
and then take off again
just go somewhere new
see everything, get a perspective
make myself feel small, insignificant
if that's what it takes
I need to do something with my life
i cant be nothing forever
ill never make it to the end
I miss R
I wonder if he misses me
I wonder why i care
I want T to text me
I wont text him
hes going to Spain next week
ive never been there
School reunion tonight
Tummy not flat enough
Thighs not thin enough
Im not different enough
what if no one comments?
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow I'll be better Angels. xoxo
7 comments:
I get the same anxieties about not being different enough when I see people I knew a long time ago, stay strong xx
I want to travel too, ever think of being a flight attendant? <3 stay strong lovely
i love travelling <3 is that "Thin" by Grace Bowman? it's a very powerful book
xx
The first section, the elation, the sneaking, the danger, I feel it too. I through myself into its abyss with only the faint questioning of what ifs.
Dance, sing, floss and travel.
I hope your reunion was okay. xx
Office jobs suck major balls. That's one of my biggest fears--that I'll be stick doing this for the rest of my life. I would much rather travel. Save up enough money for a sailboat, and just go live on it....
Hope the reunion is fun!
xoxo
i have an office job. i hate it with my entire existence. lets run away together and just blog all day haha :)
I LOVE the way you wrote this post! its amazing!, one bit really got me to a t....(is it enough to love
is it enough to breathe
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed)
i feel like i deserve to have my heart broken!
i hope you stay safe (driving + food)
reply: Zumba is everywhere! everyones loving it! im finding it a little boring now as they dont switch up the class much, its pretty much the same routine week in, week out...
take care
x
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